This was the drama of Augustine, escaping from himself, standing outside the interiority, going outside, to externally find the satisfaction of his intimate desires.
He goes through time tasting a superficial life that leaves him with a frustration, an internal conflict and an existential restlessness. The years passed and his drama continues; later he realizes, expressing it with nostalgia, that nothing outside his intimate being delights him according to his aspirations; His expectations always fall short. This leads him to seek eagerly towards the superficial, searching for more and more of what is really increasingly toxic.
Immersed in this effect, he advances the years of his agitated youth, very restless in his deep desires. He keeps a tension that directs his life towards something or someone that gives him a purpose. It was a planned search for pleasure that always left him empty, however with an intense desire to find the Truth, to order love in the midst of desires that divides him within his being, following the push from two dimensions: concupiscence and charity.
In such a hard fight between what it was and what it wanted to be, the tears of his mother (Monica), prayerful, patient and confident, get an answer, and the time of God arrives for Augustine, the moment to understand that his restlessness will only cease, when he decide to order himself deeply.
Augustine´s restlessness was a product of had been seduced by false values and ideals, the wrong gods proposed by the society where he was immersed, and that dived him into the most terrible doubts. This burden of anxiety and emptiness will only find an answer when he met the absolute Truth, God.
Once he found that Truth, after strong struggles, he could exclaim from the depths of his essence: for You have made us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” (Confessions I,1,1)
How great, what a grace, that Augustine’s inner struggle culminates in the encounter with the Truth!